


Little bit of death.

by myjjihoonie



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cheating, Depressing, Drunk Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealous Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Jealous Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Multi, References to Depression, Shameless Smut, Smut, Soft Xu Ming Hao | The8
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:31:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myjjihoonie/pseuds/myjjihoonie
Summary: Summary of chapter one is the Jihoon realizing his feelings for Soonyoung and not being able to come to terms with them, which drives in to drink and do other semi-destructive things.





	Little bit of death.

_ How fucking dare he _ ! Jihoon thought to himself as he rolled his eyes, watching as Seokmin clung to Soonyoung. It wasn’t a surprise or anything. Seokmin was so far up Soonyoung’s ass since pre-debut, but now things were different as he watched the two of them laugh and hug and  _ touch.  _ It was enough to make anyone sick, but even more so, Jihoon didn’t just feel sick. He was absolutely disgusted by these displays and he knew he was supposed to be able to pretend better than this. That there were rules to the game and all that jazz, or at least that’s how Soonyoung tried to explain it to the smaller male. 

_ “Stop it, Hoshi!”  _ A giggle coming from the other side of the dance studio. A giggle that should have been harmless. A giggle that shouldn’t have done anything to anyone; but it did. Jihoon grabbed his hoodie and his bag and walked out. He got himself an Uber and drove to the nearest bar. It wasn’t any place fancy and Jihoon tried to refrain from drinking. Alcohol always put him in moods, mostly depending on how he was feeling. Right now, though, it appeared that he wasn't angry, really; he was just sad. 

After a couple of beers, it was time for harder liquor. He was still mad and knew the beer wasn’t going to do the trick this time. It wasn’t the first time Jihoon had to give himself space from the group, not just Seokmin and Soonyoung, but even sometimes it was a little much. Jihoon liked to be alone with his thoughts a couple days a week; it really helped with his process. Or that’s what he told himself and the rest of the group. Maybe he honestly just wanted to be alone, but at the same time, when he was alone, that’s when inspiration often would spark. 

Jihoon pulled out his phone. He had several missed calls from various members of the group, but the only one that hadn’t called was Soonyoung. Of course the other male had blown up Jihoon’s text messages.

“ **Where’d you go.”** _ 6:04 pm _

**“Please come back.”** _ 6:07 pm  _

**“Don’t ignore me jihoon.”** _ 6:27 pm _

**“It’s not fair when you act like this. It’s not fair to me.”** _ 7:04 pm  _

**“I’m sorry. Just please text me back.”** _ 7:32 pm  _

**“Fine. I’m going with seokmin to see a movie. Later.”** _ 8:25 pm  _

It was now 9:27 pm and Jihoon hadn’t gotten another text message or concerned phone call. What even was this? Who the  _ fuck _ had given Soonyoung the right to treat him this way? Okay, so it wasn’t like they were together or anything, boyfriends or whatever people were calling couples these days. They weren’t that, or maybe they were; Jihoon wasn’t sure. All he really did know is that Soonyoung said  _ I love you, Jihoon. I’m in love with you _ , just a few short weeks ago. Ever since then, Jihoon’s heart felt like it was in his throat. 

“He doesn’t deserve to hear it back,” Jihoon muttered to himself, ordering another drink before sending a quick text to Minghao telling him to come meet up and have a couple of drinks. It may have looked like Jihoon trying to move on from Soonyoung’s stupidity and all his lying, but honestly, Jihoon just needed someone to carry him home. And he’d be fucking damned if he was gonna call Soonyoung for anything  _ ever _ again. 

Ordering another beer as well as two more shots of vodka, Jihoon waited. While he waited, he suddenly had fallen into a hole. Not a real one, nope, he was still sitting at the bar, looking much too young to be there. The bartender had actually been carding him all night. 

_ He never meant it when he said it. Obviously since he’s not here with you, he’s out with Seokmin, the one that would do  _ **anything** _ for him. They probably aren’t even at the movies. They are probably at Soonyoung’s place. Seokmin is probably kissing Soonyoung,  _ **touching** _ him all over.  _

Jihoon was about to lose his shit. He could feel the most uncomfortable pain in his chest as he thought of more things that Soonyoung was doing without him, or that Seokmin was doing  _ to _ him. Was his heart actually breaking? The room started to spin when Jihoon tried to stand up; luckily, Minghao arrived just in time to catch him from falling flat on his face. As Jihoon’s face collided with Minghao’s chest instead of the floor, this only made Jihoon feel more disgusted with himself. 

_ How could you be so  _ **fucking** _ stupid Jihoon. This isn’t Soonyoung. This is just some guy, some guy who’s not Soonyoung.  _

“ _ Piss off _ ,” Jihoon muttered under his breath to himself, but in turn also shoving Minghao back a little bit. 

“Jihoon, you’re drunk. Let’s get you to bed,” Minghao said, trying to take the other male's hand to help lead him out of the bar to the car waiting outside for them. Jihoon ripped his hand quickly out of Minghao’s. 

“I can do it myself.” Jihoon stumbled across the floor, nearly falling again, but grabbing onto a bar stool just in time. “Okay, maybe I can’t.” Jihoon admitted softly.  His angry had started to turn into a sad, and now he felt alone. “Will you please help me Hao?” Jihoon turned back and pouted. In all honesty, he was on the verge of tears.  _ I’m never drinking again _ , Jihoon thought to himself, knowing that it was the biggest lie he’d ever tell. Minghao nodded, walking over towards the other male once more and taking his arm to wrap around his waist. After all, Jihoon was much shorter than Hao was. He wrapped his other arm around Jihoon, allowing the very drunk male to lean on his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered, almost to himself, but Minghao heard and smiled. 

It took them about 5 minutes to get to the car because Jihoon had a lot of trouble walking while leaning against his friend. He also couldn’t hold himself up enough to walk by himself. Hao helped Jihoon into the car and then sat down next to him. Allowing Jihoon to lay in his lap, Minghao gave directions to the driver as Jihoon’s eyes began to get heavy. Minghao stroked his hair to calm and reassure the other male he was there for him. Jihoon snuggled into Minghao’s thighs and closed his eyes. 

It felt like it had been hours since the car ride as Jihoon’s eyes shot open and he ran to the bathroom. He wasn’t sure how he knew where to go, or even who’s home he was in, since he didn’t remember much but texting Minghao. And usually when that happened, it meant that he was at Minghao’s, because sure, Jihoon was very small, but he was a difficult drunk and didn’t want to do things like give you his keys so they could open the door for him to get him into his own bed. Maybe subconsciously, it was Jihoon’s way of not being alone. Though, to the best of his knowledge, he and Hao hadn’t done anything.

“Blurgggg,” Jihoon’s stomach and throat both made a disgusting noise as the alcohol resurfaced. He laid his head on the toilet and waited for more to come back up. At least he made it to the toilet this time. 

“Here,” a voice from behind said, handing a bottle of water to Jihoon. He took it and dropped it on the floor, laying his head back down on the toilet seat. It was cold and made him cold, but it felt nice against the pounding in his head. Minghao sat down on the floor next to Jihoon. He reached up and rubbed Jihoon’s back. 

“Did I miss it?” Minghao smirked before Jihoon’s face became a very pale color before he leaned back over the toilet and heaved. His mouth could not open fast enough as the alcohol returned to haunt him yet again, as if it hadn’t done enough the previous evening. 

“Miss what?” Jihoon began. He was going to make some snobby comment about missing his vomiting, even though Hao was clearly right here watching it so  _ no you didn’t miss it _ . Jihoon leaned over the toilet once more to let out what he was hoping was the last of the vile substance he consumed last night that was haunting him still even the next day. 

“Your ‘I’m never drinking again’ proclamation.” After finishing vomiting, Jihoon wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked over and glared at Minghao.  _ How dare you _ , Jihoon thought before rolling his eyes and curling up on the floor, wrapping himself around the toilet. 

“I thought it last night, when you were basically carrying me out of the bar.” Jihoon admitted, curled up into almost a ball, his knees tightly locked around the toilet. He pouted and groaned. _ Why did you do this to yourself _ , Jihoon thought, which made things even worse. Upon his pounding headache, he remembered the aching in his heart that even for just a moment he had pushed into the back where he wasn’t thinking about it, just to drag it back up to the forefront with his  _ stupid _ thinking. 

Minghao laughed, scooting over after reaching for the bottle of water. He reached over and placed the cool bottle on Jihoon’s head. “What did  _ he  _ do this time, hoonie?” Minghao’s voice was soft and sweet as his other hand rubbed Jihoon’s back, trying to sooth the boy of some amount of pain, but it was sad that Minghao knew exactly  _ who _ Jihoon was drowning himself over. 

“Can we not talk about it.” Jihoon’s heart felt like it was breaking all over again and no one had even said Soonyoung’s name. Just the mention of a  _ him.  _ The problem in Jihoon’s case was there wasn’t any other  _ hims _ in the world. It was just Soonyoung, and Soonyoung didn’t care that Jihoon pined for him in the worst of ways. Soonyoung didn’t care that he was on the floor hugging a toilet for comfort. And Soonyoung probably didn’t even care that he was being comforted by another man. Jihoon curled closer before he felt Minghao curling around him. He wished he could say that he wanted to push the other male away, but he couldn’t. Not just because he was physically too weak and too tired to, but Hao had always been there from him and even if he was just providing comfort for hungover Jihoon, it felt nice to be held. It felt nice to be close to someone and held in someone’s arms. It felt nice to feel safe. Jihoon pressed back against Minghao and snuggled his ass right onto Minghao’s groin. It wasn’t that he was trying anything, but he fit so  _ perfectly _ against the other male's body. Maybe this was all the loneliness, or maybe it was finally setting in that Soonyoung clearly didn’t care as much as he said he did, but none of that mattered in this moment as he lay reeking of vomit and Hao still wanted to be close to him. 

“Okay,” Minghao replied moving as close as he could to Jihoon. “We can just lay here,” he whispered, wrapping his arm tightly around Jihoon’s waist, a hand cupping his stomach. He ran his fingers under Jihoon’s shirt, rubbing soft circles on the sick boy's stomach.  _ Was this helping? _ Minghao couldn’t know for sure, but Jihoon hadn’t told him to stop or pushed him away, so Hao continued to comfort Jihoon for as long as the smaller man would let him. Jihoon closed his eyes once again, letting out a soft, happy sigh, and before he knew it, he was back to sleep. 

Jihoon awoke to the most delicious smell. He shifted, realizing that Minghao was no longer laying next to him which made him pout a bit, but only for a second as he realized the other male was cooking for him. It might have seemed presumptuous, but this wasn’t the first time that Minghao took care of Jihoon. It was, however, the first time they cuddled on the bathroom floor. 

Picking himself back up and grabbing onto the side of the toilet for support as he got to his knees, he was weak and had a faint headache, but he was feeling better. He had purged himself of the poison, thankfully. Once on his feet, Jihoon washed his face and gargled a little with some water, then washed his hands before following the smell that was coming from Minghao’s kitchen. 

“I figured the smell of food would wake you up. Feeling better?” Hao asked. He was genuinely concerned, and though he probably should be annoyed by now, constantly having to come get a drunk Jihoon, he actually liked the time they got to spend together. It also felt nice to know that Jihoon trusted him above everyone else to get him home safe, or in this case ,to Minghao’s home. Hao had tried a couple of times to bring Jihoon to his own home, but Jihoon would be stubborn and hide his keys or fight with Minghao about going up the stairs to his place. Minghao had his keys to his place and lived on the first floor; it just made things easier. 

“A lot better.” Jihoon almost whispered, now feeling a little embarrassed about the cuddling. “Thank you. You know, for taking care of me.” Translation:  _ Thank you for cuddling me and making me feel safe and loved and cared for.  _

_ “ _ Anytime you need me, I’ll be there.” Jihoon blushed lightly as Hao began to add the pork and the eggs to the ramen. Jihoon gazed in amazement on how delicious a bowl of ramen looked to him. Once Hao had stopped serving, Jihoon quickly grabbed the bowl with what looked like the most pork and took off to the living room to eat. Sitting down on the floor, he set his bowl on the table. He grabbed his chopsticks and stirred up the pork and the eggs into his noodles to get more in each bite. 

When Hao enter the room, Jihoon was shoving scoops of noodles down his throat as if he had never eaten before. Of course, it may have felt like that to him after all the throwing up he had done earlier. 

“You need to chew and breath, Jihoon.” Minghao laughed a little, sitting next to jihoon on the floor. He stirred up his noodles and turned on the TV. Minghao wasn’t as hungry as Jihoon clearly was. He also was waiting for the meal to cool off a little before eating. 

Jihoon, however, was almost finished with the bowl already. Minghao rolled his eyes as Jihoon picked up the bowl and started slurping up the broth, when suddenly he stopped and put the bowl down. His lips pouting as he leaned his head over on Minghao’s shoulder. 

“I ate too much, too fast. My tummy hurts.” He whined, nuzzling his head against the other male's shoulder. “Haoooooo, make me feel better.” He sighed, dropping down to lay his head in Minghao’s lap. Hao smiled lightly and laughed a little bit. 

“How do you want me to do that?” Hao questioned, looking down at the other male resting his head against on his groin. Except, this was sober Jihoon, a Jihoon that can think and do for himself, whereas drunk Jihoon couldn’t. 

“Rub my tummy again, like you did before.” Hao smirked as he reached a hand over and placed it on top of Jihoon’s stomach, over his shirt, and began rubbing his fingers across. “That’s not how you did it before.” Jihoon pouted as he reached down to take the other male's hand and tuck it under his shirt. “Better,” Jihoon announced as he rubbed his head against Minghao’s inner thigh. 

Maybe this was all meant to be completely harmless. Maybe Jihoon didn’t think Minghao was attracted to him, or could be attracted to him; but he must have been wrong as suddenly Jihoon felt a slight twitch against his cheek. Minghao blushed and squirmed to try and get away from the smaller male but Jihoon wouldn’t get off of his lap. 

“It’s okay,” Jihoon whispered, “I don’t mind.” He was a little embarrassed that he was even having this conversation. He never would have thought that he would ever be the kind of guy that could get Minghao hard. Jihoon was small and not sexy, or at least he didn’t think so. Minghao was supposed to be into guys like Junhui or Mingyu, the pretty boys of the world, and Jihoon was not a pretty boy. Minghao readjusted back to his original position with Jihoon’s head right against his groin. Upon feeling a little more movement, and a growth that was slightly unexpected, Jihoon giggled a little to himself. “You’re huge,” he stated matter of factly, “bigger than expected.” 

Minghao laughed. “You think about me naked, or the size of my dick, and you still blush when I get hard from touching you?” Minghao asked, his fingers no longer rubbing Jihoon’s tummy but now unbuttoning his jeans, sliding his long fingers under the elastic of Jihoon’s boxers. 

“I mean, just because I think about it doesn’t mean I think  _ you  _ think about  _ me _ like that. You’re sexy, I’m sure everyone has  _ thought _ about it.” Jihoon admitted, shaking a little feeling the tips of Hao’s fings stroking the base of his dick. He looked up at Hao and blushed, before slightly readjusting so it was easier for the other male to get a grip on his own member. Upon doing so, Minghao pushed Jihoon’s pants and boxers down more, leaving Jihoon completely exposed. Hao’s fingers wrapped around Jihoon’s base, gripping firmly, and before long, Jihoon was completely erect. 

“And you say I’m  _ big,  _ no wonder you’re so short.  _ Your _ dick weighed you down.” Minghao’s voice was soft, but it caught in his throat as he sighed. Jihoon realized his head probably wasn’t giving Hao any kind of release. He shifted slightly, leaning on one arm, taking his other arm and reaching down Minghao’s track pants and boxers, pulling the other man’s throbbing, erect dick out of his pants. Minghao sighed in relief and Jihoon gazed in amazement for a second or two before he felt Hao grip his dick a bit tighter and began to stroke faster. 

“H-Hao,” Jihoon moaned as the other male stroked his now throbbing member. “ _ F-f-uck!”  _ he nearly screamed. He had to do something something to distract him, something to keep his moans down; Minghao didn’t get to  _ know _ how good his hand felt. That wasn’t fair. Jihoon quickly leaned over Hao’s lap and gripped the base of his dick with his right hand before leaning down. He opened his mouth and pulled Minghao’s tip inside, circling his tongue around the other man’s dick. Moans slid from deep in his throat as he took more than half of Hao’s huge member down. Jihoon had great control of his throat, being that he was lead vocals, so he did have a slight advantage. Closing his throat just enough to tighten around Minghao’s thick member, lifting his head, working his lips back to the tip, he brought himself back down again, and again, and again until he had gotten every last inch of Hao’s dick in his throat. 

“ _ Holy,”  _ Minghao gasped, having to regrip Jihoon’s member, now lubed up completely with precum, making his strokes make a wet sloshing noise. It turned Minghao on even more since it sounded more like they were having sex rather than just fucking around. “ _ Fuck, _ ” Hao finally released as Jihoon continued to bob up and down on the other male's dick. “I want,” Minghao breathed. His heart was pounding and his grip was loosening from the pleasure he was feeling, but he didn’t want to give up. He took a breath, gripping his fingers around Jihoon’s dick. “I want,” he began again, stroking Jihoon’s dick as fast as he could while Jihoon continued to take his entire length down his throat. It was hard for Minghao to even think, let alone form sentences. He was trying to focus on too much at once, but he was tingling. Every inch of him was tingling. 

Even with Minghao trying to tell Jihoon something, he never once stopped. He was kind of cheating since he had the vocal advantage. Not only did he have control of his throat, he had control of his breathing and even while the other male was jerking him off, his focus was on what he was doing for Minghao, the person who had cared for him every drunken night. The one person who took the time to love him, even if the words were never said; they were in every little thing Minghao did for Jihoon, this hand job included. Maybe this wasn’t going to lead to a relationship, and maybe it wasn’t quite the way to say thank you, but it was happening. Jihoon squirmed a little as he was getting very close, his moaning muffled against Hao’s dick. With each stroke and each time he pulled Hao’s length in his throat, the closer Jihoon was to climaxing, and it was getting overwhelming. 

“Hoonie,” Minghao moaned, gripping Jihoon’s dick a bit tighter, becoming determined. Jihoon was gonna cum, and he was gonna go  _ first.  _ It was getting much more difficult to focus on all the things that were happening between the boys. The sound of Jihoon sucking on Hao’s dick alone was going to make the boy come. The amount of control Jihoon had over his throat was amazing; more than amazing, it was truly orgasmic, and Hao couldn’t contain himself much longer. 

“ _Fuck, Hoonie,”_ Minghao whined, “ _please_ cum _for me_ **_please.”_** Hao pleaded with the male whose head was between his legs. Looking down and watching Jihoon even for that second almost pushed Minghao over the edge. “I’m _so close_ **please Hoonie**.” Minghao whined again in the sheer pleasure of it all. “ **Please** cum _for me.”_ he breathed, and before he could beg Jihoon once more, he felt his warm semen spurting from the tip of Jihoon’s dick. The smaller male's legs shook just a bit as Hao kept stroking him through the entire orgasm. 

_ Your turn _ , Jihoon thought to himself as he tugged Minghao’s hand  from his dick. Jihoon repositioned himself on his knees, making it much easier to move as well as please Hao the way he had just pleased him. He slid the entirety of Minghao’s length in his mouth, his tongue flicking against the base of it while he began to hum, creating a warm, wet, vibrating feeling against Minghao’s cock. 

“ _ My.  _ **Fucking,”** Hao screamed, his hips bucking up. He tried to keep still but he couldn’t contain himself much longer, if at all. Looking down at Jihoon again swallowing every inch of his dick, he lost it. “ _ Fuck _ Hoonie, I’m  _ cumming _ !” Just as the words fell from his mouth, Jihoon could taste the warm, salty substance that was Hao’s semen. Swallowing, Jihoon lifted his head to the tip of Hao’s dick, licking off any remaining cum before looking over and simply smiling at the boy. Jihoon licked his lips and Mingao’s cum with them, and before he could say something else, Minghaos lips were upon Jihoon’s own. It was a weak kiss, but it was warm and soft and filled with everything Jihoon needed in his life. It was unexpected, but Jihoon applied equal amount of pressure back into the kiss. 

“I think your ramen is cold now,” Jihoon said with a small laugh, pecking at Minghao's perfect lips and letting out a sigh. He pulled away, shimmying his boxers and pants back up before heading down the hall to grab a towel to clean up Minghao's hand. Jihoon was still tingling, not just from the events that had just transpired, but because Minghao had kissed him.  Before returning to the living room, Jihoon went into Minghao's bedroom and picked up his phone off the floor, where he had probably dropped it the previous night. 

**Where are you?** _ 10:08 pm  _

**Hoonie I’m so sorry, please text me back.** _ 11:34 pm _

**This isn’t fair you shouldn’t be able to just ignore me like this.** _ 12:48 am _

**Damn it Jihoon fine, fucking ignore me. Don’t bother texting me back.** _ 2:13 am  _

**There is something we need to talk about. Please call me or come over.** _ 10:26 am.  _

Upon coming into this room and picking up his phone Jihoon was on cloud 9, and now in mere seconds he was at rock bottom. His heart felt it was breaking in his chest. It was like he had forgotten about Soonyoung.  _ How could you?  _ Now sure the two of them weren’t dating, hell, Jihoon still couldn’t openly admit feelings, but he knew they were there. And he knew how Soonyoung said he felt about Jihoon. Although, his actions sure showed otherwise, but then again, so did Jihoon’s. Ignoring texts, getting drunk, and then  _ Minghao.  _

_“Fuck_ _me,”_ Jihoon muttered. A small laugh came from behind him.

“I mean, if you give me a little while, that can be arranged.” Jihoon wanted to laugh and flirt back and tell him he wanted Minghao to make love to him; he wanted to be close to him again. He wanted to taste him again, but he couldn’t. Jihoon pulled himself together as best he could before turning around and kissing Minghao softly. 

“I have to go,” he pouted. “I’ll be back tonight and we can talk. Maybe I’ll take you up on your offer.” He smirked, though he knew it was unlikely that him and Minghao would ever be intimate again, but he wanted to think it could happen. He also wanted Minghao not to think that after all that just happened between them, he wasn’t running back into Soonyoung's arms. 

“I look forward to it.” Hao said, giving Jihoon’s forehead a kiss. Jihoon grabbed his hoodie from the floor, shoved his phone inside of it, and left Minghao's apartment. 


End file.
